If You Can't Say Something Nice...

If you're one of the few people who read my blog regularly, you might have noticed that I've been absent for a few days. Honestly, I just couldn't bring myself to write anything because I don't have anything happy to report. The last several days have been horribly depressing for us, as we've seen no positive change in the size of Hope's tumor. It continues to grow despite the higher dose of Prednisone.

Although we're trying to remain positive about the outcome of Hope's surgery on Tuesday, we're also trying to be realistic about the chances of it being successful. While the bulk of her tumor could still be removed, the odds are good that much of the cancer will remain. Since chemo and Prednisone are clearly not working to fight the malignancy, her options for post-surgical treatment seem to be slim. We've contacted a holistic veterinarian here in Lawrence who has had some luck treating mast cell tumors with non-traditional medicine, so we plan to meet with her later in the week to talk about our options. Unfortunately, at this point, it's looking like it would take a miracle to save her. While we know that God is entirely capable of answering our prayers with that miracle, we also know that saving Hope might not be part of His ultimate plan.

I'm having a really hard time coming to grips with the thought of losing her. I've been an emotional wreck the last couple of days, devastated with the knowledge that in the next few months we may be faced with the horrible decision of when to put her down. I'm still baffled by the amazing odds against one family losing two dogs to cancer in such a short period, especially after learning that only 1% of mast cell tumors occur in the difficult-to-treat location where Hope's has developed. It just doesn't even seem possible.

I know it's difficult for many people to understand how heartbreaking this is for us. While a lot of people treat their dogs as part of the family, we honestly treat our dogs as if they're our children. Most people who know us well are aware of this, but at church this morning it became very clear that not everyone is sensitive to this fact. When a friend asked about how Hope's chemo was going and we solemnly told her things were not looking too promising, she replied jokingly, "Well at least if you need to get a new dog you know a good place to go get one." Needless to say, the mere thought of replacing Hope in such a flippant manner brought me to tears. I know our friend didn't mean to be insensitive, but I wasn't able to stop crying for almost 20 minutes. Hope means the world to us, and it breaks my heart to think about having to let her go. :(