Happy Birthday, Mom

Today my sweet Momma turned 75 years old. I spent entirely too long making her this new slideshow for her birthday, which seems super silly since she won't likely watch the whole thing and definitely won't remember it. I just wanted to celebrate her and wanted everyone to see how amazing she is. I would love to have just a fraction of her talent, beauty, ambition, creativity, style and resilience. I miss her so much, even when she's sitting right next to me. Happy birthday, Mom.

Bucket List

So. I did something super crazy last week that I have to share. Let me start this crazy story by telling you that a year or so ago I purchased this bucket list journal and started thinking of things to write in it. One of the things I put at the top of my list was performing in a musical again—I’d performed in several from grade school through high school and still have such great memories of those experiences. Seeing so many of the musicals at Theatre Lawrence in the last few years reminded me of how much I love musical theater, and I started thinking that maybe I could still carry a tune well enough to be part of an ensemble. I’m mean I’m not delusional enough to think that I could ever land a major role, but I am a decent dancer, so I thought maybe my dancing would help my average-y singing so that I could be in those fun big dance numbers that every musical has.

So fast forward to a couple of months ago, when Theatre Lawrence announced that this season they are doing Annie, which has always been one of my favorite shows. When I was 11, I was an orphan in the Marymount College production of Annie in Salina, and that show still holds such a special place in my heart. I even made Chad and Mom see it on Broadway when we were in New York five years ago! Since I currently have no job and a super flexible schedule, this seemed like it might be the right time to try crossing this item off my bucket list. I started contemplating going to the auditions, which were last Monday and Tuesday. I had only mentioned to one friend that I was considering trying out—I didn’t even tell Chad until lunchtime on Monday. I called the theater that afternoon and got more information about the auditions, but I totally chickened out--I thought of every excuse in the book why I couldn’t go (I didn’t have the sheet music, I had a sore throat, we wanted to finish the new season of Man in the High Castle, I was SUPER nervous about singing in front of people and I probably wouldn’t make the cast anyway).

When I woke up on Tuesday I was totally annoyed with my chicken-poop self. I mean, if I was brave enough to do this for multiple musicals as a child, why was I so terrified at 40-freakin’-6? Why was I always so worried about what other people would think of me? Why did I feel like it would be the end of the world if I messed up and made a fool of myself? My fear about auditioning was so absurd I became more determined to try out just for the sake of overcoming my nerves! So Tuesday morning I walked to our piano bench and opened it up and crazily enough, found the entire book of piano accompaniment for The Sound of Music. I have no recollection as to why I own this, but since it was the first musical I was ever in, I know all the songs pretty well. I picked "My Favorite Things," found the accompaniment online (thank you, YouTube), and practiced several times for the dogs. It wasn’t a good sign that Flower ran away every time I started singing, but whatever. I went on with the rest of my day and just kept telling myself that I was not chickening out this time!

When Chad got home I sang my song a couple of times for him, and after dinner my incredibly supportive husband went with me to the theater for moral support. It was so nice to have him there to keep me relaxed and laughing until it was my turn. There were only about 15 adults auditioning that night (I have no idea how many auditioned the first night), but I recognized at least 10 of them from shows I’d seen at Theatre Lawrence or the Lawrence Arts Center. That didn’t help my nerves, nor did it help that the stage manager was a girl who was in my preschool class at Raintree over 20 years ago! Ugh. I am so old. Regardless, when my name was called I walked down to the stage, handed the pianist my music and announced myself and my song. I didn’t pass out, pee my pants or vomit, which all seemed reasonably possible. I sang my song and didn’t forget the words or miss any notes. It wasn’t fantastic by any means, but it was passable. Chad went home while I completed the dancing and script reading portions of the audition. I was seriously so proud of myself for just getting up there and surviving, it was totally a moral victory!

Then on Friday the cast list was posted online. I love this show so much and want to see it done well, so I immediately started Googling the people listed in the principal roles to see if I’d seen them perform before in other shows. I didn't even read the whole cast list first, because I had absolutely no expectations of seeing my name, but when I finally got to the bottom my jaw hit the floor!

You guys, I can’t even tell you how shocked and excited I am. It might be that the director has to choose a certain quota of newbies for every show, but I don’t even care. I’m going to be super busy for the next couple of months, but I’m going to have so much fun reliving my childhood!

Aunt Merry

Merry Jo in 2008

Two weeks ago today, I woke to the heartbreaking news that my beautiful and beloved Aunt Merry--my mother's only living sibling--had passed away. This wasn't especially surprising since we knew she was extremely ill, but it was gut-wrenchingly sudden--she was diagnosed with cancer just six weeks before.

Aunt Merry's 80th Birthday

As some of my friends might remember, back in December my Aunt Merry came for a visit with my cousins, and we had the amazing blessing of celebrating her 80th birthday with her. She was in a terrible amount of pain throughout their trip, from what was thought to be stress fractures and pinched nerves. After arriving home to Houston and getting in to see a specialist and having lots of tests done, they determined she had metastatic breast cancer that had spread to her liver and almost every bone in her body. Within days, she was receiving hospice care. While it was certainly hard to come to grips with losing someone so quickly, I am incredibly thankful that my sweet aunt is no longer in such horrific pain. I'm thankful that she is now in the arms of Jesus, of her husband Gerald, and of my amazing (and terribly missed) Grandma Seaman. I am also incredibly thankful we had that time with her in when she visited in December.

Merry Jo on her 80th with Mom

Since I grew up in Kansas and my Aunt Merry lived in Houston, as a child I only saw her once every couple of years--so we obviously didn't have an extremely close relationship back then. In the last ten years, however, my aunt became an incredibly important part of my life. When my mom was being treated for breast cancer in 2006, she immediately started showing signs of cognitive impairment. I began taking care of Mom's medical affairs, so Aunt Merry and I began talking more frequently about all of Mom's health concerns. In these last few years, especially since we moved Mom to Lawrence, my dear aunt was such an incredible support to me. She always expressed her love for me when we talked, but she also showed her love by her actions. She called regularly to check in on Mom, but she was just as concerned about my health and well-being. She allowed me to vent when I needed to, listened without judgment, prayed for us continually, and never told me what I should do--even when I wanted her to. She cared for Mom for over a week on two separate occasions when Chad and I needed a break. We talked about our churches, our faith, our struggles, and about what God was teaching us through those challenges. In short, she gave me the support that my own mother was no longer able to give.

Mom and Merry Jo in the mid-50s

While she was being an amazing aunt and mother-figure to me, she continued to be a wonderful older sister to my mom. While most of the people who were closest to Mom before her illness started acting as though she was already gone, Aunt Merry was one of the few exceptions. She wrote cards and letters, she sent presents, and she continued to call Mom regularly just to check in. Even when Mom could no longer have a conversation, Merry Jo would call for a quick hello. She always told Mom how good it was to hear her voice, even if the call lasted only a minute. Aunt Merry was one of just a handful of people who still took an interest in Mom's life, and my mom absolutely adored her. From the time she was a little girl and throughout adulthood, Mom idolized her older sister. Merry Jo was the person she cared about most in this world. I was a constant reminder of that reverence, since when I was born I was given the name Kimberly Jo.

Mom and her sister in 2008

Everyone who knew my aunt will tell you she was elegant and classy--always so perfectly put together. As gorgeous as she was, she was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. She was loving and loyal, caring and strong. She was a godly woman who was passionate about her love for Jesus, her church, and the prison ministry she was actively involved in. Her voice, mannerisms and appearance were so much like my mom's, but in every other way she reminded me of my precious grandmother. She was strong, stoic and reserved like Grandma Seaman, with the same faith, loyalty, and love for her family. Like Grandma, Aunt Merry rarely said an unkind word about anyone and also had little use for drama. The similarities were so strong, there were times we were on the phone that I actually had to stop myself from calling her "grandma." I think that's why her death is extra heartbreaking for me: it's like losing Grandma plus my mom all over again. Aunt Merry was the perfect combination of the two most important women in my life--the women who made me who I am.

At the Christmas Parade in December

Making this loss even more difficult is the disturbing fact that we haven't told Mom her sister is gone. I know this sounds so horrible initially--it did to me as well. In fact, when we first found out about Aunt Merry's cancer, my primary thought was when and how to tell Mom to help her comprehend and then remember. However, after talking with professionals, reading great articles on the subject (like this one), and reaching out to people in my caregiver support group who'd been through similar situations, I eventually came to understand the reality. Telling Mom devastating news that she is unable to process and unable to remember would actually be cruel and unfair. Although not telling Mom feels terribly wrong in my heart, I know in my mind it's the best thing for her. Mom can keep the few memories she has of her sister happy and untainted by grief and trauma--and what a blessing that I can help her preserve the memories of Merry Jo's most recent visits through all the pictures I have of our adventures!

Since I was unable to travel to my aunt's funeral last week, grieving and closure have been difficult, but for me, writing about her has been helpful. Thank you for letting me share all the reasons my dear aunt will be greatly missed, by me and by her four children, her thirteen grandchildren and her thirteen great-grandchildren. Thank you so much to all of you who reached out to offer condolences after her passing. Thank you for understanding why there's no need to offer those condolences to my sweet mother as well. Thank you for allowing me to honor this wonderful woman who was such a blessing in my life. I'm so honored to be her namesake.

 A damaged but treasured picture of Aunt Merry, Grandma and me in 1999

The 2016 Luce Family Review

Happy New Year, dear family and friends! It's okay to wish everyone happy new year since it's still January, right? ;) We hope everyone had a lovely 2016 and a joyous Christmas season. I fully intended to get a real letter in the mail again this year, but clearly we’re a little (okay, a lot) behind with our holiday greetings! I barely got all of the Christmas shopping and wrapping done and only completed a portion of the decorating, so I finally decided that an online letter would have to suffice for 2016. Thanks to all of you who sent us such lovely holiday greetings--you guys are way more on top of life than I am!

Overall, our family is doing pretty well and we feel incredibly blessed. As I start composing this update on a chilly New Year's Day (yes, I started this weeks ago), Mom is sitting next to me working on an iPad puzzle and Chad is in front of the fireplace reading with Flower and Fresco nearby. I was careful to say as I START composing, because I knew full well that I wouldn't finish this post in one sitting. My brain is all over the place these days and I have such a difficult time focusing and composing a coherent thought! Hopefully this is all due to the unique stress of caring for my mom, which is pretty much what our lives revolved around in 2016.

Celebrating Mom's 70th birthday in March

While Mom is still living in her own home (with our help and the help of nighttime caregivers), we are usually together about 10 hours a day--except for on the weekends when my amazing husband gives me some much needed breaks. She is still pretty physically active and looks amazing for being 70, but as with any degenerative disease, her dementia has progressed significantly in the past year. I try to keep her busy with activities and outings, but there is less and less that she enjoys and can engage in. I treasure this time with her and am so thankful that Chad’s amazing support allows me to be her primary caregiver, but to be completely honest, the emotional exhaustion is overwhelming at times. I certainly wouldn’t have survived this far without Chad--did I mention how amazing he is? :)

Us at Hoover Dam

With all that said, we’re really managing pretty well and enjoying life as much as possible. We had a lot of great moments during 2016, including two pretty wonderful vacations. In May we took Mom to Las Vegas, where we met up with Eric and Jiffy (and their dogs). We didn't do any gambling, but we enjoyed lounging by the pool during the day and going to shows on The Strip in the evenings. After a few days in Vegas, we road-tripped a few hours to the Grand Canyon, where we spent a couple of nights in a beautiful cabin and a whole day hiking the rim.

Us with our friend Linda in Mt. Rainier National Park

In October, Chad and I took Mom to Seattle, where we were able to visit two of Mom's best friends from our years in Salina. We did a little hiking at nearby Mt. Rainier, took a ferry to a quaint island in Puget Sound, spent a day seeing some of the famous sites in downtown, and even briefly visited some friends from Lawrence who'd moved there. We also took mom down to Houston for a visit with her sister in early March, which was a lovely vacation for us since for 10 days we only had to take care of her cats! 

Horseback riding with Mom

Mom and I also took lots of little day trips, exploring all the little towns within an hour or so of Lawrence. We spent as much time as possible outside, walking every nature trail we could find in city and county parks, around Clinton and Perry Lakes and at the Baker Wetlands. When it was too hot to walk, we spent many hours swimming at the pools in Mom's neighborhood. In addition to our walking and swimming, Mom and I attended musicals at Theatre Lawrence, went to a few museums, went to the library every couple of weeks, started a weekly yoga class, and even went horseback riding at a nearby ranch (which we hope to be able to do again soon)! We went to every parade and every festival featuring art, music, food, animals, nature or buskers in our area--we even dragged Chad along to some of them! Most of the time though, Chad's entertainment consisted of his new favorite stress-buster: disc golf! When not playing disc or traditional golf, his weekends were filled with KU football games, which mom and I usually enjoyed right along with him!

Speaking of Chad's stress level, it was a little higher than normal this year--he was promoted in April after his boss Terry's retirement (yay!), and found out in May his company was being acquired (boo!). The year consisted of him trying to do his new job but also serving on the team trying to figure out how to integrate the two companies. The sale should be complete this spring (assuming it goes through), and we are super thankful that Chad will most likely still have a job (though not his current job) when the dust settles.

Thanksgiving with Joanie,
Mark, Jen and family

Thanksgiving with Chad's family--
Mark and Ginny and Grandma Luce

In less stressful news, we enjoyed several visits from family members this year--my brother and Jiffy in April, September and November, my dad in July, my Aunt Merry in December, and Chad's mom Joanie a few times in the fall. Mom's cousin Janet also came to stay at Mom's over the summer, which enabled us to keep our string of annual Old 97's shows alive with one in KC (that one was our 20th, if you're keeping score at home). We got to visit with Chad's Grandma (as well as aunts, uncles and cousins) at the Luce family reunion in June, and on Thanksgiving we saw all of them again in Salina along with Chad's parents Mark and Ginny. The day after Christmas we spent a lovely afternoon in central Kansas celebrating the holiday with Mark, Ginny, Chad's brother Mark and wife Jen, his brother Matt and wife Julie, all of our nieces and nephews--and of course Mom! It was great having everyone together for the first time ever!

Chad and I scaled back on our volunteering in 2016--partially because of our duties with Mom and partially because the church we had called home for the last 5+ years closed its doors in April. It was very bittersweet--we were ready for a break from leadership and yet super sad about losing the close-knit community we had at EastLake. The good news is that a) our church family still continues to be our Church family even though we no longer meet with them regularly, and b) after many months of visiting at least 15 different churches in town, we found a new church home all three of us enjoy! We certainly miss the irreplaceable worship band from EastLake, but we're excited to see what God is going to do at our new church--a very small and fairly young church called Relevate!

So that's the year 2016 in a very large nutshell. The year certainly wasn't always pretty, but we are super thankful we survived and made it to 2017. Hopefully the update hasn't put you all to sleep and the pictures and links helped to keep you entertained! For more entertainment in the upcoming year, feel free to follow our adventures via Instagram--my username is kluce99.

We hope that everyone is having a fantastic start to 2017 and we pray the year is full of blessings and joy for all of you!

Happy New Year

So... Obviously I'm no longer an active blogger, but since I completely failed to get a Christmas/New Year's letter of any sort into the mail, I thought this would be a great place to post one so I could share it with family and friends via email. When I took at peek at my blog I realized I hadn't even updated it last Christmas, so I set out to find the letter I sent (after Christmas 2015) and upload it here. That's when I discovered it had been saved as a draft in blogger, but never uploaded. Good grief. My brain is mush--completely unfocused and constantly thinking of other things!

For what it's worth, here's the synopsis of 2015. Hopefully in the next couple of days I can get one written for 2016 too!
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Happy New Year, dear friends and family! While my plan to do Christmas cards was obviously not successful this year, I did want to compose a quick letter to let everyone know that we haven’t fallen off the face of the earth. Our Christmas letter wasn’t my only holiday fail this season--there were two boxes of decorations that never even made it out of the storage room!

This year has certainly been a challenging one, but we survived and are hopefully better people for it! Chad is starting his 13th year with Westar Energy, and although his job keeps him busy, he usually enjoys the challenges--except when they involve being the on call person during an ice storm. Over the Thanksgiving break he answered/made over 200 power outage phone calls (at all hours of the day and night) in a 48 hour period! He travels all over the eastern half of Kansas on a regular basis and took a couple of longer trips to Phoenix and Houston this year as well. In non-business related travel, he went on his annual golf trip to Florida last month with Dante and some other friends, where they played eleven rounds of golf in five days. I guess it’s obvious that he still loves golf. :)

Thankfully, we had a few opportunities to travel together this year as well. For our 21st anniversary in June, we went to Omaha for a couple of days to see an Old 97’s show and hang out with Chad’s brother Matt and his wife Julie and their family. For my birthday in August, Chad surprised me by flying my brother in to hang with my mom so that we could take a quick weekend trip to beautiful (albeit very hot) San Antonio. We saw another 97’s show while there, visited the Alamo and spent lots of time on the gorgeous river walk! Although Chad wasn’t able to join us, Mom and I also made a trip to Houston to visit her sister Merry Jo and my many cousins in the area.

Speaking of my brother and my mom, the most exciting trip of the year actually happened in September when Chad and Mom and I flew to California for my brother Eric’s wedding! We spent a fantastic five days in a cute rental house, did some sightseeing, and enjoyed the beautiful wedding celebration with Eric and our new sister-in-law, Jiffy. We are so thrilled to officially have her as part of our family!

While this letter sort of makes it sound like we had nonstop fun in 2015, in reality our lives completely revolved around my mom (who is in the latter stages of dementia) and her care. I spend around 60 hours a week with her, as she can no longer be left alone unsupervised for more than a couple of hours at a time. I try hard to fill her days with joy, so this year we spent lots of time going to art galleries, shopping, swimming, doing puzzles and art projects, taking day trips to nearby towns, going to plays and concerts, taking walks, and attending other local events. We even did a little horseback riding! Although she still has days in which she can enjoy life and certain activities, her memory for anyone besides her immediate family is virtually gone. I laugh/cringe when people ask me (usually in front of Mom) if I work, since even though I’m not technically employed, this is by far the most emotionally and physically demanding job I’ve ever had! With that said, I’m so thankful I am able to do it and I’m so thankful that my Mom is still with us. It probably goes without saying, but I most definitely would not have survived the year if it weren’t for the amazing support (emotionally and financially) of my incredible husband!

With Mom keeping me busy, our furry children haven’t received the amount of attention they were once accustomed to, but they have adapted pretty well. At age 9, Fresco is pretty laid back and can deal with just about anything (except a person walking by in front of our house). Flower, however, continues to be a challenge! She needs multi-mile walks daily and still has lots of energy to burn. Although we’ve had her for almost 2 years, she still acts like she’s six months old most of the time. She still has major issues with strange people and other dogs, and unfortunately my lack of schedule flexibility has made it nearly impossible to get the training help we need to correct her behavior. Even though she’s pretty high maintenance when she’s outside our home, she’s a pretty good girl when it’s just Chad, Mom and me! We love her and she definitely adds lots of laughs and excitement to our lives.

We hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas season full of peace, love, joy and all the things that make you happy! We pray that 2016 is full of blessings and happiness for each and every one of you.

Much love,

Kim (and Chad)

2014 Christmas Greetings

Hello Dear Friends and Family!

I'm guessing that most of you won't receive our season's greetings until late in the week, so I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas filled with lots of quality time with loved ones! As I started our Christmas shopping just last week while lamenting the fact that the Christmas decorations weren't completely in place, it became very clear to me that I would be writing a “Happy New Year” letter this year instead of a “Merry Christmas” one! As you might have guessed from my tardiness, life has been a little crazy for us the last few months!

The most recent change to our lifestyle and our schedule was a result of my mom's move to Lawrence in the middle of September. As most of you know, my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's four years ago, and since that time I've been handling her financial and medical affairs. Since her move, I've also become her primary caregiver, which means I'm lucky enough to spend 6-8 hours with her almost every day! Despite her disease, my mom is still an amazingly lovely person, and I am so blessed to be able to spend this time with her. I'm also incredibly thankful that Chad's support allows me the freedom to do so!

Spending my time with Mom would have been a much easier transition if it weren't for the second biggest change for us this year: our most recent canine addition named Flower! We started fostering this abused pit bull mix in January of 2014, and let's just say we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into! Flower came to us through a rescue called Game Dog Guardian, which pulled her from someone's basement in Kansas City where she'd been tied up by her face for the first year of her life. Her scars are significant—both physically and emotionally—and she is definitely a work in progress. She is incredibly time consuming and needs tons of exercise and training, and spending enough time with both her and Mom has been a bit of a challenge! Needless to say though, we adore this snuggly little head-case, as evidenced by the fact that we officially adopted her in April. She' s our third “failed foster” in a row! Ack!

Fresco handled the transition back to sharing our affections with a sister pretty well, especially considering this one is often antagonizing him in an attempt to start a wrestling match. He is so patient and tolerant, and despite his advancing age (he turned 8 this year) he can still keep up with his two-year-old sister's energy level pretty well!

Chad and I did get the chance to enjoy some traveling this year despite the chaos, first with a quick trip to Colorado in March, where we went skiing after a hiatus of about 8 years. On the way there, we were able to meet Chad's half-brother Matt (who grew up in Iowa) for the first time. It has been so great to get to know Matt and his wife Julie and their four kids and so cool to see how much Matt and Chad have in common!

Near the end of May, we celebrated our 20th anniversary a couple of weeks early with our first trip to Hawaii. We spent a week on the island of Oahu, where we snorkeled, hiked, body-surfed, biked and toured Pearl Harbor. It was amazing! We also each took a trip sans the other—Chad to Florida for golfing earlier this month with his golfing buddies and me to Pelican Lake in Minnesota with a bunch of girlfriends in August!

Chad's love for golf obviously hasn't changed, and his day job hasn't changed either. He celebrated 11 years with Westar this year and continues to enjoy all things energy related. He took on additional volunteer responsibilities at church this fall and now pulls the equipment trailer almost every Sunday morning in addition to being in charge of set-up and tear-down. This means he works 6 days a week and also provides back-up support for my mom's needs as well! He is pretty darn amazing and I'm so darn lucky to have him!

I also absorbed some additional volunteer duties at church this fall and now spend about 8 hours a week doing data entry, handling prayer requests and leading my volunteer teams. Prior to my mom's move I was still able to provide photography services for friends and volunteer at the food pantry monthly, and although those things have fallen by the wayside, I'm still able to occasionally volunteer with the homeless ministry Family Promise and still sit on a couple of boards for non-profits around town. We try to balance our volunteer gigs with other fun stuff too—like attending concerts and KU football games and watching KU basketball! We are super blessed to have so many hobbies we enjoy and activities to keep us busy!

We hope you all have a very happy holiday season and a blessed and beautiful 2015! We hope to see more of you all in the upcoming year!

Much love to all,

Kim (and Chad)

Don't Get Body Slammed by a Lowland Gorilla

Obviously I haven't found it necessary to blog regularly here in the past few years, but this commercial's a keeper, although I definitely might be biased. :)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

So obviously I'm a week late on the Christmas wishes, but today I finally got our Christmas letter and card converted into a digital format! This version might not be as personal as the one via US mail, but it's clearly superior because of the additional pictures and links. :) Enjoy!

December 18, 2013 

Merry Christmas, dear family and friends! 

We hope everyone is having a joyous holiday season that is full of merriment and void of stress. It's been a very blessed and often busy year at the Luce household, and it's so hard to believe that 2013 is already over. As you may have guessed from the pictures, we had a significant loss in our family this year as our dear dog Hope passed away. After a cancer diagnosis in June and many subsequent trips to K-State for chemotherapy, we let our sweet girl go on August 10. She was a fighter until the very end and never ceased to amaze us. We miss her loveable weirdness so much, but we know it was the right time—just before her 13th (or 14th or 15th) birthday. 

Fresco seemed sad at first but has adjusted very well to being an incredibly spoiled only dog.

We might start fostering again in the near future, but right now he has play dates and outings all over the city! In fact, today he's having a great time playing with our friends' dog Willy as I provide fill-in childcare for their toddler! 

This is one of the huge blessings of not having a regular job—getting to help out friends and family members in need whenever possible. I still volunteer once a month at the food pantry, but I stepped down from coordinating back in April to devote more time to my family and to the volunteer team I lead at church. I still spend 1-2 days in Topeka with my mom, continue to do portrait sessions for friends and had a wonderful trip to California wine country in April with a bunch of ladies I adore. Mom and I visited Eric and his girlfriend Jiffy in Los Angeles in July, and I walked the 60 mile 3-Day for the Cure for the 7th time in October—this time in Tampa. A few weeks later Chad and I went on vacation with my mom to New York City, where we saw a Broadway play and took in lots of the sites. We even met up with Eric and Jiffy there for a couple of days!

Chad also got to go on his annual pilgrimage to Florida this month to play golf with his friend Dante and a couple of other friends. He continues to golf every chance he gets—when he's not working or volunteering at church or watching sports or doing yard work! He just finished his 10th year at Westar and finished his term on the Lawrence Chamber of Commerce board. He's taking a few days off over the holidays and might even get to play a round of golf if the weather stays like it is today! The other thing on his “honey-do” list is to plan our next vacation—a big trip for our 20th anniversary in June! 

We are so incredibly blessed to have each other, such terrific families and so many dear friends—not a day goes by that we don't thank God for all He has given us. We were reminded what a gift each moment is in October when our friend Tiffany was killed in a car accident, just 18 months after she and our dear friend Mike were married. Life is so precious, and we pray that you and your loved ones treat each day as the wonderful blessing that it is. May you all find joy in the precious gift of Christmas as well. Much love, Kim (and Chad)  

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. --Isaiah 7:14

Happy Birthday, Baby Boy!

Today we're celebrating the 7th birthday of our sweet little man Fresco, although I'll admit I didn't actually look at the calendar and realize today was September 1 until this evening. Regardless, our munchkin still had a pretty good day. Our walk this morning got cut way short because of rain, but Fresco got some extra exercise this evening when we took him to the dog park--just his second visit ever. He had fun playing with a bunch of puppies and held his own during the game of chase. It was clear that he wasn't a puppy anymore though! Hopefully we'll become dog park regulars and Fresco will get better and better at coming back when he's called. His ears have turned off almost entirely during his first couple of visits!

Our little lanky guy is doing pretty well adjusting to being an only dog for the first time in his life, but he does seem a little bit depressed. Honestly, we thought he would be a little more excited about getting all the attention in the house. Maybe what seems to us like sulking is really just exhaustion, since we've been enjoying 4-5 mile walks most mornings. Hopefully some regular trips to the dog park will help his mood as well. Ultimately though, I think we'll start fostering again later in the fall, and hopefully that perfect addition to our family will eventually come along.

A Celebration of Hope

Today we would have celebrated our sweet Hope's 13th birthday--which is actually the 8th anniversary of the day we brought her home to live with us. As most of our friends and family know by now, she unfortunately passed away almost two weeks ago on August 10.

Obviously, Hope didn't live but a couple of days after my last post. We thought we would have a little more time with her, but that Friday night (which happened to be my birthday) it became clear that we had to let her go. Even though it had been just two days since we'd started to taper off the steroid she was taking, her tumor had started growing more rapidly. In the 2+ hours we were gone having my birthday dinner, the tumor growth in her nose was so significant it was alarming. With many tears and lots of heartache, we made the decision to have her put down the next morning, in the hope that we were sparing her a lot of pain and misery.

Hope was such a terrific dog whose love for life and sheer determination were unparalleled. She displayed that determination until her last breath. We miss her terribly, but we are so thankful that we were blessed enough to be her parents for almost 8 amazing years.

Reprieve

As I'm writing this post, this is the face that's staring up at me. She's still here and she's still hungry. :)

We honestly thought that last night I'd be writing her "obituary" on my blog. As of last weekend, Hope's energy level and mobility had continued to decline and her nasal congestion had continued to be an issue. She spent every waking hour standing next to us panting, so we began to worry that she was really in pain. Her appetite was as strong as ever, but since eating seemed to be the only thing that made her happy anymore, we were starting to question whether she was enjoying the rest of her life at all. After a particularly bad day on Sunday, Chad and I reluctantly and tearfully made the decision to have her put down. We scheduled the appointment for Wednesday, since that would give us a couple of days to come to grips with the decision and Chad would be able to take the whole day off. You'd think we'd be more prepared for this, but it was just such a hard decision because we weren't 100% sure we were doing the right thing. People just keep telling us we'll know when it's the right time to put her down, but we just didn't know. We found it impossible to look into these beautiful, pleading eyes and tell her that we were removing her from our family in a couple of days.

Now this might sound weird to some people, but for the next two days we prayed about the decision--just that God would give us wisdom and peace about the right thing. I contend that He answered those prayers, because we never had peace about putting her down. Instead we kept worrying that we would be taking her from this earth before she was ready, and in the next couple of days she confirmed that our feelings were valid. Hope had two of the best days she'd had all week, seeming more relaxed, comfortable and more interested in people and dogs outside--all with nearly zero mucus, which hadn't happened in weeks. She even did all of her normal tricks on command for Chad Tuesday evening! We knew she wasn't ready, so Wednesday morning we cancelled her euthanasia appointment just an hour before we were scheduled to go.

When Hope woke up later in the morning yesterday, she was struggling. She was tripping more often, refusing to even walk out the front door for a short walk down the driveway, sleeping very fitfully, eating and drinking frantically, and following me panting whenever I wasn't laying down in bed. She seemed so unsettled and uncomfortable that I worried that we'd now made the wrong decision in cancelling her appointment. I called Chad and he came home, agreeing that she'd really taken a nosedive from the day before. He called the vet and got us an appointment for the end of the day, but he didn't stop researching what other issues besides pain might be causing Hope's excessive panting and what seemed like anxiety. Chad's research gave us a tiny glimmer of hope that some of our dear girl's issues were related to medication side effects, but we were still preparing ourselves for the worst. 

So we went to see Dr. Coles yesterday afternoon with every intention of having Hope put down. We brought a bed for her to lay on and stopped for a Burger King hamburger and cone on the way there. Thankfully though, Dr. Coles didn't think Hope was ready to go either. He agreed with the opinion Chad formed from all of his research--Hope's obsessive panting and eating/drinking/peeing/pooping are more likely due to the Prednisone than the cancer. He sent us home with instructions on how to taper off the steroid and increase her iron consumption to help with her anemia (which likely IS from the cancer). Dr. Coles was hopeful that getting rid of the side effects of this drug will improve Hope's quality of life, and we are too!

Since we know that taking her off of this drug may also cause her cancer to start growing even more quickly, we are trying to prepare ourselves for that as well. If Hope doesn't pass away on her own in the next couple of weeks, we will very likely be faced with the same agonizing decision that we were faced with this week. Hopefully though, when that time comes we'll have more peace about letting her go.

Ups and Downs

I honestly meant to provide an update on Hope a lot sooner, but the last couple of weeks have been so full of ups and downs I didn't know where to start. Just when I thought I had something of interest to report, the next day would be the complete opposite. Hope's symptoms have just been ebbing and flowing like nobody's business.

Let me first just say that I am SO thankful that she's still with us. Three weeks ago today when she got her chemo treatment, I really didn't think there was any way she'd last this long. I don't know why I'm ever surprised by her though--it's like she gets tougher with age and adversity. With that said, this last chemo we tried really took a toll on her. She's dropped tons of weight despite her ridiculously good appetite, and the first week after her treatment her red and white blood counts dropped significantly. She was lethargic and clearly didn't feel well, and her mucus-y nose only mildly improved. Even worse, her cancerous lymph node didn't respond positively at all. Unfortunately it continues to grow, which is why we decided to forgo another chemo treatment today.

Stopping the current regimen wasn't a difficult decision since it doesn't seem to be working and was clearly making Hope less comfortable. However, since there's a third chemo that the oncologists at K-State want to try that they think has some significant potential, the decision to quit treatment is a little more difficult. In fact, I'm still not 100% sure that stopping treatment altogether is the right thing. On days like today, when Hope only wanted to walk about half a block and slept most of the morning, continuing chemo seems like a cruel thing to do to her. However, on days when she has more energy and spends the whole day scouring the kitchen floor for crumbs, it seems like she would do just fine trying another chemo drug that might alleviate her symptoms. It's just so hard to read a dog who eats like there's no tomorrow, even when she's dying of cancer. This video was actually taken on July 17--exactly one week after her last chemo treatment when she was still feeling kind of crappy.



Not only do I think her problem solving skills are quite impressive, I'm also super impressed that she still has the ability to sniff out bits of food while dealing with tumors up her nose! Hope is nothing if not determined! :)  

Hanging In There

A couple of days ago, we made our fourth trip to K-State with our sweet Hope. She's had lots of ups and downs in the last few weeks, but today's been a pretty good day and she's definitely hanging in there. When she was first diagnosed just over three weeks ago, we really weren't sure that she'd make it this far, so we are incredibly thankful.

Three weeks ago Hope started the normal chemo/steroid combination for mast cell tumors, and just like with her first cancer in 2007, her cancer seemed to respond initially. Although we can't see her tumor(s), her snottiness and sneeziness definitely subsided a little, and her lymph node seemed to shrink slightly as well. Unfortunately, as soon as we started weaning her off of the steroid (which the doctors do because of the side effects), Hope's symptoms returned--just like they did in 2007. While I was in California last week visiting my brother with my mom, Hope's nose started bleeding again off and on. By Wednesday, her bloody, mucousy nose had gotten so bad that Chad and I had a serious conversation about having her put down that afternoon. However, when we got to K-State, Dr. Burr was confident that Hope still had some fight left, just based on her appetite, activity level and general attitude. She suggested we start a new chemo drug, and thankfully this one only has to be given once every three weeks instead of every week. It will be such a relief not to have to drive to Manhattan next Wednesday!

The good news is that Hope's icky nose secretions have subsided a little once again, so we are hopeful that this chemo will keep her discomfort at bay a little while longer. It's just so hard to know if we're doing the right thing for our little girl. People keep telling us that we'll know when it's the right time to let her go, but when you own the toughest dog in the world, it's nearly impossible for us to know if she's really in pain! We just keep praying that she will clearly display some signs that she is done fighting when that time comes. Until then, we'll continue with weekly bloodwork, lots of drugs, and potty breaks every couple of hours! Our little Hope is worth it. :)

Losing Hope

Chad and I are so sad that the time has come to write this blog post, but we knew these events would be upon us sooner or later and we've been trying to prepare ourselves for many months. It's heartbreaking to think about, but the reality is that we are losing our tough, weird and absolutely precious girl Hope.

The crazy thing is, despite the fact that Hope has surpassed the average age of a Coonhound and  is also deaf and arthritic, she's still usually very happy and active. Her appetite is incredibly good--she's obsessed with food every waking moment of the day. Her favorite pastimes are searching the yard for mushrooms and perusing the floor for spills. This adorably sweet face stares up at me hoping for treats anytime I'm sitting in the kitchen--even when I'm not eating. She loves to go for walks, loves to meet new people and generally seems to love life. That's why it's so difficult to accept that she's once again battling cancer.

Hope's symptoms started just over a month ago, when we started noticing she was abnormally sneezy and snotty. She would occasionally wake us up in the middle of the night with some massive snoring, so we asked our vet about it at her annual checkup a few weeks later. He suggested that it might be allergies and prescribed more Benedryl, but he also tried to prepare us for the possibility that Hope might have a nasal tumor. Just a couple of weeks later, Hope starting having a massive amount of mucus come out of one nostril. I called the vet, who prescribed an antibiotic without even seeing her, but within a few days the mucus had become increasingly bloody. This was obviously quite messy and quite alarming, so last Monday we took her in for an x-ray and culture. When our vet saw Hope's sinus cavity on the x-ray, he was shocked at the amount of destruction of the soft tissue and cartilage on her leaky side. He thought the only options were a massive infection or cancer, and when the cytology came back with no bacterial or fungal infection, we knew cancer was the only option left.

Although we'd obviously had a great experience with Hope's surgeon in Overland Park, we weren't huge fans of the oncologist there, so today we took Hope to the College of Veterinary Medicine at K-State. We saw one of the oncology residents, Dr. Burr, who was absolutely wonderful. She was so amazingly patient with our plethora of questions and was so thorough in explaining everything. After leaving Hope there for a couple of hours for bloodwork and a biopsy of her lymph node, we found out from Dr. Burr that her tumor was not as expected. Instead of finding cells that confirmed a carcinoma in her sinuses, she actually found mast cells in the lymph node--meaning that she has a mast cell tumor (the same kind of tumors she's had in the past) somewhere that has metastasized.

I say a tumor "somewhere" and not in her sinuses because Dr. Burr indicated that a mast cell tumor in the nose is extremely rare--she's only seen one once in the 5 years she's been in oncology. So either Hope has a very rare sinonasal mast cell tumor, or she has a mast cell tumor somewhere else in her head and another cancerous tumor in her nose, which seems even more unlikely--at least to us. Dr. Burr wanted to do a CT scan and then biopsy the tumor(s) once they figured out exactly where they are, but we think it was more out of curiosity from a clinical standpoint, since Hope is such an unusual case. We declined that option--to us it didn't make a whole lot of sense. Ultimately, Hope has an inoperable tumor up her nose, and even though different drugs might work better on carcinoma, we know there's a mast cell tumor somewhere--and that should respond to a chemo/steroid combo.

So today our sweet little girl started chemo. We'll take her to Manhattan for chemo once a week for the next three weeks, and then every other week for four treatments after that. Thankfully, dogs don't have a lot of side effects from this chemo, and hopefully it will improve her quality of life as well as extend it. We just want our little weirdo to feel good as long as possible!

As I was looking back at some of the posts from 2007 when Hope had her first mast cell tumor, I realize even more how incredibly blessed we've been that this sweet and miraculous girl has been a part of our family. She's been enjoying life for six years since that first diagnosis--which seemed liked a death sentence at the time. She has provided us with thousands of hours of love and laughter, and we couldn't be more thankful for the time we've had with her and any additional time the chemo can provide.

The Year in Pictures 2012

So clearly my plan to start blogging semi-regularly again didn't really pan out. Oops. The intentions were there--I promise! In fact, I actually started working on our fourth annual year in pictures slide show immediately after writing my last post--I just kind of forgot about finishing it! It finally hit me a couple of weeks ago that I'd never gotten it posted, and then it took me at least another week to figure out how to embed it into my post--both Blogger and YouTube have changed so much in the year I haven't been using them! So anyway, this post is sort of untimely now, but I'm going to share regardless.

Just like the last few years, my rule was that any time I picked up either my point and shoot or DSLR camera, I had to choose ONE picture from that set to include in the slideshow. This means that you'll see random pictures here and there that are completely uninteresting and make no sense, so I tried to briefly explain in captions. I didn't include a pic from each day I took one with my phone, which would have made this slideshow about 20 minutes long. There were a couple of events for which I chose a picture from my phone instead of a picture from my camera, just because I thought it was a better representation of the moment, but I only allowed myself to "cheat" with the phone if my camera was also present. :) So there's my explanation, and here's my video! Enjoy!!

Christmas 2012

Greetings, people of the Interwebs! It's been so long since I've blogged I'm actually having to relearn how to use Blogger--it's changed so much in the past year. Hopefully I can figure this thing out enough to create my sixth blog post of the last 365 days!

Although I obviously completely failed to chronicle the adventures our life in 2012, I did want to share our annual Christmas letter, which will at least give everyone a tiny snapshot of what has filled up our year. I've missed keeping a blog--not so much the writing itself, but having a journal of our life to look back on. I'd really love to restart the habit in 2013, but I'm not going to set any lofty goals. These days my brain is so scattered from wearing so many different hats--I can't focus from one minute to the next. Sitting down to put ideas on digital paper seems overwhelming to the point of impossible. But who knows what the year will bring? Maybe I'll be able to simplify a bit and focus enough to write from time to time. Either way, please enjoy our Christmas letter from 2012! 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

December 16, 2012

Dearest family and friends,                                                                             

I hope this letter finds you all healthy, happy and more prepared for the holiday than I am! As usual, I'm starting our Christmas letter weeks after receiving our first holiday greeting in the mail. I can only hope that this is at least reaching you by the 24^th! 
 

We've had a good 2012 and managed to survive both of our 40^th birthdays, which turned out to be lots of fun and relatively painless. We took a lovely vacation to Florida to celebrate our friends Mike and Tiffany's wedding in April, went to Tulsa in June for another wedding reception, and made a very quick trip to Nashville in early November to see a special Old 97's show. We enjoyed visits from my brother, my dad and his wife, and other out of town guests. We loved seeing our Jayhawk basketball team make it to the national title game and spent Saturdays this fall cheering on a losing KU football team that was on the cusp of decency. 
 

Our pups are both doing well—we celebrated Hope's 12^th b-day in August, even though we've come to realize she's probably closer to 13 or 14. Since a Coonhound's life expectancy is only 12-13 years, we are super thankful that she's still with us. She's a little arthritic and has a bum shoulder that she limps on occasionally, but most of the time she is FULL of goofiness and jumps around with far more exuberance than her little brother. Fresco turned 6 in September and is still the most loving and cuddly boy you'll ever meet! 
 

Chad's year has been relatively devoid of major change—he continues to enjoy his job at Westar and continues to play lots of golf! He just returned from his annual golf trip to Florida with his friend Dante, where he played 36-46 holes of golf every day. A minor knee surgery this summer didn't even slow down his obsession! He also continues to serve on the Lawrence Chamber of Commerce board, and just last week he finished up his term on the Lawrence Sustainability Advisory Board. While he's thankful to be done with that commitment, he's exchanging that “extra-curricular” leadership role with a much bigger one at church starting in January. He'll be leading our set-up and tear-down teams at EastLake—handling all the scheduling and being at church from 6:30 until almost 1 each Sunday. Although I know he'll want me to take this part out of the letter, I'm super proud of him and amazed by his willingness to work 6 days a week!
 

Things at our church are obviously good, and we're very thankful to be part of a church where growth and life change continue to happen. Although I've stepped down from volunteering on our kids team regularly, I took over leading our prayer team in March and have been so blessed to serve our church family in this way. My other volunteer passion, the food pantry at Heartland Community Health Center, also expanded significantly in January of this year when I became the volunteer coordinator there. I now spend 15-20 hours a week shopping, stocking, sorting, scheduling and serving the people who come in for assistance. I also try to be in Topeka one day a week to hang out with my mom (she moved back there this summer), and I continue to do lots of portrait sessions for friends just as a hobby. I would love to someday start a photography business, but that will have to happen later since right now I just don't have the time! 
 

We hope that your 2012 has been filled with an abundance of blessings and happiness. May you enjoy peace, joy, the company of loved ones and lots of relaxation this holiday season!

With love,

Kim (and Chad)

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. --Isaiah 9:6

Jayhawk Wannabe

In honor of today's awesome Jayhawk comeback against Iowa State, I wanted to share this fantastic version of the Rock Chalk chant that can be found on "Page 2" of ESPN.com.



How cute is that little guy?

Graphic Geekiness

Today was a day of deChristmasification (or whatever) at the Luce household, because I finally got the tree and other holiday decorations taken down and put away. Now before you start judging me, let me just say that a) the tradition in my family was to leave the tree up past the New Year because it was so festive and pretty, b) with a live tree it's much easier to wait until the tree totally dries out before taking it down, c) I'm not the only person who takes their tree down this late because the city is still picking trees up tomorrow, and d) I like how our house looks all decorated for Christmas. So there--I like keeping my tree up longer than most people!

Anyway, while I was dedecorating the house I thought it made sense to change the blog up as well so that it was no longer sporting a Christmas theme. I spent a few minutes making a new wintery banner since it's finally feeling like winter here--we actually have a tiny dusting of snow on the ground. I changed up all the colors and the fonts as well, because Blogger now has a billion fonts to choose from, which I love. I could sit there and look through fonts forever. I love fonts!

While I've gotten fairly quick at creating new headers for my blog (partially because I know I can just change them whenever I want to, so I don't fret over the details), my graphic design skills haven't evolved so far that I'm this successful with my other design endeavors. Yesterday I spent the entire morning trying to create a logo for my friends at Crossroads Dog Rescue, since they're having a contest for a new logo on Facebook and have asked for submissions from their supporters. Starting next week they will have their Facebook friends vote for a favorite, so I wanted to submit an entry just for fun! Although my end results are never very professional, I have fun playing around with making graphics and it's definitely good Photoshop practice. Here's what I came up with for them!













Truthfully, I kind of hope mine doesn't get chosen--only because I want them to have tons more logos from way more professional people than me to choose from!

Laughing Babies

Can I just share that I think one of the funniest sounds in the entire world is a baby laughing? Today my friend Tish posted this video on Facebook of a baby that might be the cutest baby ever born. I mean seriously, if babies were all this cute and stayed this cute then I would definitely have one. I watched about four different videos her parents had posted, and I think this might be my favorite:



There is just nothing better than laughing babies! Watching this one video lead to a 30 minute voyage around YouTube in which I saw at least 10 other laughing babies. For me, laughing babies is like an addiction--once I start watching them I can't stop!

QR Code

This seriously has to be the nerdiest thing I've ever blogged about, but this afternoon Chad and I went and did some grocery shopping, and for the first time we used the Hy-Vee grocery store smartphone app. It was actually pretty cool, because it allowed us to see what was on sale, add it to our grocery list, and then even find the item in the store. I discovered the app just a few days ago from a QR code (like the one at right) at the check-out register that directed you to the free download. I would totally recommend it if you shop at Hy-Vee and haven't downloaded it already.

As Chad and I were discussing the app and where I found it, we couldn't remember what QR codes were actually called. We looked it up on Wikipedia when we got back home and learned that QR stands for Quick Response code. Our Google search also turned up a website where you could generate your own QR codes, an idea that hadn't ever even crossed my mind. I mean you see those codes everywhere, but I guess I was thinking that it was some sort of costly or complicated process to have one created. In reality, it took about 3 seconds to create one and test it out. I'm totally using one if I ever actually create a photography business and have business cards. You can make your own on this website, and you can scan it with a free app like ScanLife. If you have ScanLife, you should check out my QR code above!